I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
