How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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