He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
