I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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