my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
