are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
