Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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