just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
