I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize