the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
