We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
