Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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