Say something about gay babies.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
