goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think my mom watched the whole time
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
