Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
