the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
