How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize