Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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