we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
