I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize