I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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