But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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