i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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