Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
