I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize