Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
