dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
