Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
