Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
