What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
