Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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