What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize