Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
