bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have tasted many bathrooms
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
