I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
