No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
how does that bad decision feel?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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