just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude i'm inner monologue high
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
