You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
