not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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