Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Even my vagina gasped.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
as a side note pls kill me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
