They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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