i think i have two assholes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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