i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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