nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
