Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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