Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
