idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
