did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
