At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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