1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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