Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
