this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
