Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
