Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
