A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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