The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
