she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
