Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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