Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
