i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
