Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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