At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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