I want to have your abortion
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
