If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
