my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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