I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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