Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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