please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
