Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
