So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
