I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
