Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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